Week 1 Reactions and Distractions

Anyone try that new Pizza Hut pasta? It looks delicious. Too delicious. I doubt the authenticity of that commercial with all the beautiful people at the fancy restaurant getting "tricked" into eating Pizza Hut pasta. They are actors. Or maybe Pizza Hut just made this really good batch and had them eat that. Something doesn't seem right.

Onwards...

- Well, of course the big takeover of today doesn't include the U.S. economy but rather the New England Patriots quarterback situation. In a borderline tragic (and I hate throwing around the word "tragic") injury, megastud Tom Brady looks to be hanging up his cleats for the rest of the season with some sort of ambiguous leg injury. Tomorrow is the MRI, so right now it's all just educated speculation. But it's looking like bad times are ahead for all involved: New England, Old England, Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Jabor Gaffney, Bill Bellichik's fragile pysche, the city of Boston, the thousands of fantasy owners who drafted him, Brady's kid (who might be tricked into thinking he has a normal dad), all those frontrunning morons who only own one replica Tom Brady jersey, and of course, Tom Brady himself.

Just think: in he last two games, the Patriots are a .500 team. In one game, they lose the Super Bowl to a bunch of sad-sack blue runts in heartbreaking fashion. In the next, they lose their best player in the first friggin' quarter. Dark days indeed for the New England region. Ah, this is truly soap operatic. Okay, onto happier things.

- How about Micheal Turner? In yesterday's column I told you to bump him up (see below). Who knew it would turn out to be 220 yards and 2TDs (not including one called back on a questionable penalty call)? Let's not go too crazy, but he has a solid shot to be a top-5 runner in the league this year. That offense is running through him, and with Matt Ryan looking reasonably comfortable, should help Turner be a dominant force. For those of you who snagged him as your RB2, I salute you.

- More success stories from Bump 'Em Up column veterans Brett Favre and Thomas Jones. Favre claimed to only know 75% of the Jets playbook, but that was enough to get him by the pitiful Dolphins. Granted, one of those TD's might as well have been thrown with his eyes closed, but also there were plenty of dropped passes (Coles needs to wake up). Meanwhile Jones utilized those open holes the revamped offensive line so kindly made for him, and looked much more elusive then last year.

- Ronnie Brown looked much better then Ricky Williams

- Speaking of Browns, I don't want any Browns on my fantasy team. When fans boo their own team, their own coach, and then empty the stadium in the fourth quarter, it doesn't say much about how much faith they have in their team. QB controversy only a couple weeks away...

- How many times does he have to tell ya'll: Donovan McNabb doesn't need receivers.

- The St. Louis blues are here to stay. Ugly ugly ugly.

- Kurt Warner didn't rack up the yardage, but as far as time of possession goes, he was an all-pro. Two Arizona drives took up 11 minutes in the third quarter, and one drive in the fourth lasted for an aching 10 minutes. Just goes to show you: mistake free football wins games. And changes channels. Poor Frank Gore and J.T. O'Sullivan played well, but didn't have enough time on the field to put up any real decent numbers.

- Anyone else excited about that new Coen Brothers movie, Burn After Reading? With Brad Pitt and George Clooney and John Malkovich? The commercials look good, and man, I haven't been to the movies in at least six months. I'm serious. I'm just not a spend-8-dollars-to-see-a-movie-type-guy. But there's just something about this one that gets me all jittery inside. It also sems like the type of movie you could bring a girl to, and it might falsely imply that you are witty and know a few things about movies. And books. And burning. How perfect.

- I'm sure most of you witnessed the ending to the Chargers/Panthers game. Jake Delhomme zipped it into the hands of scrub Dante Rosario for the touchdown, annnnnd the crowd goes wild. Fantasy repercussions? Well, Jake can handle himself without Steve Smith, thank you very much. But still not enough to warrant a fantasy start. So don't get your panties all in a wad down there in Carolina. Meanwhile, Philip Rivers looked calm and confident in that near comeback in the second-half. Honestly, I think this loss should fire up a team that still has a very legitimate shot at the Super Bowl. Expect them to rev up the engines against the Broncos next week.

- The Bungals have returned. Chris Perry, though he took most of the carries, looked miserable thanks in part to very confused-looking offensive line. That same O-line ruined Carson Palmer's afternoon as well. And who is this Ocho-Cinco guy?

- Joe Flacco held it down. Mad props.

- If Chris Johnson (left) is still available in your league, then for the love of God, change that.

- Gotta love how the Sainst used Reggie Bush. On the flank. As a tailback. Returning kicks. This kid is not your average running back. As long as the Saints continue to realize this, Bush will shoot up the rankings. And avoid the Bust of the Decade rally cry for another year.

- Hey Matt Forte! My attention returns to you and your applause-worth first game. Yes, I applaud you. Clap clap clap clap.

And on that note... good-night.